Maternal Instinct

I recently had a baby after a 7-year hiatus.

As soon as I found out we were expecting, I resolved to do everything within my power to deliver a healthy baby.

In the months I was pregnant, I did however spend alot of time thinking. I thought up answers to the questions I expected people would ask. I thought up rejoinders to the wise cracks and comments people would make. I planned how I would ensure there was enough personal space between me and people so as to discourage those who just have to touch a pregnant belly! Yes, I steeled myself for all eventualities.

Then there was the issue of the birth itself. How would I handle the pain? Would I know when I was in labour? I had been pregnant three times before this, but I thought that I had forgotten everything!

And closer and closer to the birth, I began to wonder how I would effectively care for Baby. How would I handle the sleepless nights? How would I rebalance the work-life scale now that a little baby was being brought into the mix? What would I do for child care? I tasked myself on so many points, it was just by His grace my blood pressure did not spike.

I put myself through all that simply because I did not trust my maternal instinct.

"Then the Lord formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into man's nostrils, and man became a living person." Genesis 2:7

We are not told that God breathed life into any animal that He created. But man is different because he is in the likeness of God. God imparted a bit of Himself into man and that is what gave man the power to have dominion. It gave man the intellect he needed to rule what God created. It also gave man the ability to create and destroy. So, provided we have the breath of God, His Spirit, within us, power is available to do all things. Know then, that if God gives you a task, He has already breathed into you, everything you need to carry out that task. The very ability had been breathed into you at the very moment when you were conceived in your mother’s womb.

As soon as Baby was born, everything that God had deposited within me to care for him kicked in. My bundle of joy had arrived and whether by my own estimation I was ready or not, I had to rise to the occasion. Baby is now 9 months old. I have been able, somehow, by His grace, to swing it. And if I may say so myself, I am doing rather well, after all, I am still holding down my marriage, my home, my job and various ministry activities. Thank God that all I needed, He had already supplied. All I had to do was dig down deep, fetch it, and run with it. And this is true for all God-given instincts.

But what is instinct? For our purpose, let’s go with a natural or innate impulse, inclination or tendency, aptitude or gift. So, you might have artistic, inventive, creative, entrepreneurial or any other type of instincts. Those instincts were deposited in you for a reason and they are key to your purpose in life - all that He has called you to be, you already are!

But instinct requires expression.  Our very survival as human beings requires the maternal instinct, but many of us have other instincts that we hide like the one talent that was buried in the ground (Matthew 25:14-30).

"The best thing is to follow your instincts without too much reflection." Albert Einstein.

Don’t over think it or as is said in business circles, you could suffer “paralysis by analysis.” Like Nike says, “Just do it!”

The expression of your instinct requires you to be ready to work at it, just like the gentlemen who were given five and two talents in the parable of the talents. They worked, and they improved their gifts. And it was to their own benefit. So also, you do stand to gain if you are prepared to do the work.

But back to the maternal instinct. I would like to appreciate all mothers who suffer, love, are patient, endure pain, and work for the good of their children. I celebrate your maternal instinct in this time when women abort, abuse, and neglect their own children. Your efforts shall never be in vain! God bless you all!

P.S.: This blog was written two months ago, during Mother's day weekend in Nigeria. It is featured in the April 2015 edition of Effectual Magazine. Please click here and be inspired!

To Board or not to Board

 

My oldest daughter went back to school over the past weekend. 

You could have heard a pin drop in my house Saturday night. I don’t know who took it hardest…me, or her immediate younger sister. We were competing for whose face was longer.

Let me first of all say that I am not the biggest fan of boarding schools.

Those of us who are not overwhelmed by the advantages of boarding school seem to be a minority, at least in my little corner of the world. When I tell people I don't like boarding schools they look at me funny; like I just dropped from a hitherto unknown planet.

Then they tell me how boarding schools help children become more independent, mature, social, respectful. My response is typically that it is my duty to teach my child to be all these and I can do that while he or she is under my roof and I see him everyday.

Then comes the accusation: but you will spoil the child! Then I respond that I am quite firm in child upbringing. For example, in our house, there's no TV during the week - it is reserved for weekends, and even then, it is not guaranteed, all homework must have been done and mummy or daddy must approve before the TV is even switched on. In addition, my children are taught to pick up after themselves, assist with housework and contribute to the care of their younger siblings.

Then comes the question: did you go to boarding house? And the answer is yes, but only for two years, in forms 5 and 6. The response is always the same: “Ehen, that's why you don't want your children to go to boarding house, because you did not go yourself. Two years alone don’t count!”

*Note to self: You deserve that! From now on, keep that extra bit of information to yourself. There is no need to help other people make their own point!*

I am not here to slam boarding schools. They have both advantages and disadvantages, like everything else in life. Please read two educationists argue day versus boarding on the Independent School Parent Association website. They do a pretty good job of laying both sides of the argument on the table. They focus on the United Kingdom, but the concepts are universal. Please read whether you are undecided, or simply need more justification for your own side of the argument.

The main reason why I am on my side of the boarding school argument is that the children will leave home soon enough, typically, when they go off to university, so why send them away now? Sometimes, we parents find it difficult to let our children go, that is true, but I’m not talking about an adult going off to live his/her own life here…

As parents, we are enjoined to train up a child in the way he should go, (so that) even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6).

Before I let my child go, I’d like to be sure that I have trained him or her to live for God.

A person that lives for God:

• has experienced salvation, so I might ask, is the child born again?
• holds to Biblical morality. Does the child know right from wrong?.
• has holy habits. Has the child developed the disciplines of prayer, Bible reading and worship?
• defends the faith. Can the child articulate what he/she believes, and why?
• handles life’s hurts. Does the child trust in God’s wisdom, power, and goodness in spite of the challenges of life?

It is a huge responsibility to achieve this for anyone, within any time frame (for example, I know many adults who cannot elucidate why they believe what they say they believe), and it is an even greater responsibility to do it before a child leaves home while still a child! Over and over and over the Bible teaches that it is the responsibility of the parents to build Biblical principles into the lives of their children. Churches and schools could help, true, but the final burden of responsibility rests on my shoulders, the shoulders of a parent.

So, while do not like boarding schools, I am not here to tell you they are right or wrong. I simply would like you not to presume that your child must go to one because everyone else is sending their children. Please make sure it is right for you and yours. Please make sure you have done all you can to teach your child to live for God wherever he or she is, without any external prompting.

And for those of you wondering why my daughter is in a boarding school if I don’t like them… chalk it up to the compromises we make in this institution called marriage.