Memorable Weddings

Nigerian weddings are all about how much bang (read glitz and glamour) you can get for your buck. Many couples want a wedding that will be the talk of the town! They want to wow and dazzle. They want to push the envelope and do something new, something creative, something that will set the event apart from every other wedding. They want a wedding people will remember for a long time. They want a memorable wedding.

And I’m all for that. It is, after all, a once in a life time occasion, a day that is all about you, perhaps even the one day everyone is falling over themselves to make you happy. So, why not have that wedding of your dreams?  

I have enjoyed many weddings. I have seen stuff at weddings that have caused me to go 'awwww', to smile and to thank God for young love. My favourite thing is usually the couple's dance. I have watched couples salsa, samba, slow dance, and even have a dance-off!  I have seen some couples present well choreographed pieces that obviously took a lot a time and effort to put together. I have seen what I call “dance offerings” usually presented by the groom to the bride.

But here’s the thing, over the years, I have begun to “awwww” less and wonder more. I wonder...

Are their priorities in the right place?

There is too much emphasis being placed on weddings and too little on marriages. Wedding planners are sometimes contracted months before the wedding and extensive rehearsals are done for the ceremony. Many grooms practice their vote of thanks to make it just the right length with just the right amount of humour. Many brides will have fitting session upon fitting session to ensure the dress fits just right. But not many people care about marriage classes. Given a choice, most couples would not attend classes and so many churches have had to make them compulsory. Even then, I have had couples call off a marriage class because they had to do take care of something for the wedding. I am yet to see a couple have marriage classes if they are not getting married in church but having only a civil ceremony. Can we get our priorities right, people? Planning for the wedding makes for a great day, but marriage classes make for a great life! Perhaps marriage licenses should only be issued to people who have been trained; afterall, you are issued a licence only after you have been trained as a lawyer, or a driver, for instance.

Who are they doing it all for?

Themselves? Or their guests? My wedding was the greatest…at least until someone did something newer and more fun and more exciting and everyone forgot all about mine. Don’t put yourselves out just so you can be the flavour of the moment. Face the facts, no matter what you do, people will eventually forget! Whatever you do, do it for yourselves, make yourselves happy. You cannot make everyone happy.

Are they going to be okay tomorrow?

Someone came to borrow money from me once to fund his wedding. It was all I could do not to throw him out. In this part of the world, people will give cash gifts to couples planning their wedding. I find that people now actually plan for these gifts and blow it all at the wedding! Why have a fantastic day and then begin to pinch and scrape or drink garri after the wedding?

Coming back home, a number of things made our wedding memorable. First, I wore silver, not white, not ivory, not cream, silver. Why? Just because. Next, our Master of Ceremonies (MC) was a professional comedian. In addition, our wedding featured a choreographed dance by our teen church. Now, let me establish some context, our wedding was in 2002 and I can honestly say that before our wedding, these things were not at all common. I had never seen anyone wear silver. Then, we were scared stiff that the comedian would mess up our day because it was usually a friend or family member who understood the family setup that would be MC. To keep the comedian in line, we only paid half his fee in advance and threatened we would not pay the rest if he embarrassed us in any way! He ended up being the single thing people remember most about the day. The teenagers’ choreography was actually a surprise love offering and I am still loving them for that (muah to any of you reading!). There were many other things I wanted to do but we could not afford it. It will always be memorable for me, no matter what anyone thinks. But if I had to choose between a memorable wedding or a memorable marriage, I think it’s clear which would be my preference.

Thank God, however, that they are not mutually exclusive.