When the tables are turned

There was once this lady who was the sole breadwinner for her household. Her husband had lost his job, apparently had wiped out his savings, and appeared to have become comfortable with his wife bearing the entire burden of the household and so was doing nothing to find another job. The lady was tired, angry, resentful and seeking counsel.

Here is the gist of what I said:

From the beginning, God created man and woman differently. God created Adam to work and keep the garden (Genesis 2:15) and created Eve to be Adam's helper (Genesis 2:18). So a married woman is to help her husband achieve the task God created him to achieve and this includes helping him work and keep the garden. So, while the man of the house is expected to provide for his household, a godly wife should  do all within her power to help him.  This might entail working at home, or it might be by working outside the home (in Proverbs 31:16, the virtuous woman considers a field, buys it and plants a vineyard; even if that field was right next door, it was still outside her house!)

 After Adam and Eve sinned, God cursed them. For Adam, He cursed his calling to provide for his family...cursed be the ground for your sake (Genesis 3:17). So, in this fallen world that we live in, there will always be something challenging your man's ability to provide for his household. He will have to work harder, longer, just to provide. The demands on him will continue to increase. Ask even the most "successful" men if it gets any easier. The answer invariably is no - the reward for good work is more work. In some cases, the man's very ability to provide will be threatened, and sometimes, he will be unable to provide. I firmly believe that is why there are so many cases of men who are unable to provide for their households: whether they can't, or they won't, the fallen state of the world is working against them.

Meanwhile, when God cursed Eve, He cursed her childbearing (Genesis 3:16). Notice God did not curse her work as a helper which was, and still is, the reason she was created. I feel this means that as a woman, I am fully equipped with all I need to be my man's helper. And so are you, my sister.

You see, you are fully equipped to "support" your husband, regardless of whether he has abdicated his own role. I don't see that you can stop providing for the household. If you do, what will be your children's hope? It’s like a pilot deciding mid-flight that he will no longer fly the plane; the co-pilot has no choice but to take over. It's either that or the plane will crash, even the auto-pilot cannot land the plane! If your man has willingly abdicated his role as the man of the house, then you have no choice but to do all that is within your power to work and keep the garden, it is your calling. You are more than able, all you have to do is search deep down within yourself for the strength that our Father has deposited in you.

And while you are at it, please make an effort to deal with the resentment you feel towards your husband. Resentment  is more harmful for the resenter than the resentee (forgive me if there is no such word!). Resentment will poison your soul, take your eyes of your Saviour, and affect your children. Please ensure that you do not fall short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile you. (Hebrews 12:15). Give your man to God in prayer and ask for His help to deal with your resentment.

I have focused on you and not your husband  because you can only change you, you cannot change him. But as you work on yourself, by all means, speak with him, encourage him to rise up to his responsibilities. You may also consider asking a trusted male to speak with him without revealing that you initiated the approach - a respected friend, an older brother, a pastor. Thirdly, encourage his relationship with his Saviour...Jesus can open his eyes to see the error in his ways.

I am not insensitive to the plight of many women who are married to men who seem to take advantage of them. They are not prepared to fulfill their calling and expect their women to continue to provide. But I really do believe that women need to hang in there and draw on our Heavenly Father for strength to continue to fulfill our own calling to be helpers.

What do you think? What would you have said to this lady?