Still on finances!

After I posted my first blog on finances, When Tables are Turned, I got a number of comments sent to me directly. A friend said “I feel that many women in the situation you mentioned may feel encouraged by the verses but also judged after reading the piece. Staying in the US and knowing how challenging it can be here and then putting myself in the woman’s shoes (I know many people in her situation too) I will like someone to encourage me but first, I will like to feel like the writer knows how I feel; empathize with me… It’s a very serious topic. A lot of our ladies are caught up in the dilemma and they need encouragement and guidance.”

To this, I responded that it was never my intention to judge anyone. I was just trying to let ladies out there know that we have to do our bit to help our men out. I know a lot of ladies are carrying the weight of providing for their households and I pray their husbands realize that they still have a responsibility, even if they have wives who are “happy” to hold the fort until they find their feet.

A big sister summarized in an email she sent: “Yes, she should not stop mid way, but there is an order that God had ordained for the home from the foundations of the earth.  While no wife should abandon her hubby in trying times, she also has the responsibility to submissively lead him out of that hole. It is unacceptable even for God for a man not to be alive to charting the course for his household and that includes providing for them.  This in my opinion is divine order.  However, I have also seen situations where the woman took over the responsibilities because what the man could afford was not good enough for her.  In the end, this is about ensuring that our men remain MEN in God's sight.  No, Lazyboy should get off his *tush* and get a job. Even if it is the most meager, God honours the effort.” Thank you, Sister B.

And then this week, I came across a teaching Pastor Taiwo Odukoya of the Fountain of Life did called The Thorny Issue of Finances. Indeed finances in marriage are a very thorny issue. I can only hope that as more is shared and taught on the subject, things will get better.

Still on this issue of finances, I have a little something to say on the joint account or no joint account debate which continues to rage, particularly in Christian settings.

Do my husband and I have a joint account? Yes we do. But the account is quite inactive. It is almost always empty. In reality, my husband has his accounts and I have mine.

In our household, I’m the Finance Director (FD) and my husband is the Managing Director (MD). I’m responsible for the accounting, financial planning, modelling and budgeting in accordance with policy determined by our three-man Board. The MD implements policy formulated by our board and Board meetings are held as often as the need arises. Although I have voting rights, the MD has veto power and so when deliberations with the MD leave me feeling aggrieved,  I approach our Chairman directly.

How does this work in practice? We can both authorise transactions as long as the transactions are within approved budget. Budgets are jointly approved; no budget, no spend. It’s really that simple.

It would be great if I could say that we sat down in the beginning and planned that we would manage our finances this way, but I cannot. It just evolved over the years. One reason we find this model works for us is because it plays to our strengths. I’m the planner, the one who needs to put things in place well in advance of the need; the risk avoider, the one who will search for and remove all uncertainties along the path; the doubter, who looks for the catch in every “opportunity.” My husband is the risk taker, always eager to jump to the next project; the visionary, seeing the way the finished product will look; the dreamer, the one with his head stuck in the clouds. We complement each other. Over time, we have been able to identify our strengths and we use them to our advantage, submitting ourselves one to another in the fear of God. (Ephesians 5:21).  

So, in my opinion, the argument of joint account or no joint account completely misses the point. The point is trust. Where there is trust, a husband and a wife can figure out what works for them. Where there is no trust, suspicion will drive a wedge between husband and wife and that wedge, no joint account can fix.